When taking on the opportunity to write this chapter, my heart immediately said yes. I was drawn to the opportunity. I knew I had stories and lessons to share.
However, after the first strategy session, I started to doubt myself. I heard the voice in my head saying:
‘What do you think you are doing?’
‘No one will want to read this.’
‘You don’t have time for this.’
And on and on and on. After a huge meltdown day, where at any minute I was ready to pull the pin on this project, I picked myself up and decided that my story matters and the right people will read it at the right time. From that day, and after that realisation, this chapter flowed out of me with incredible speed and ease.
This is a raw, authentic account of my deepest most profound learnings in my business and in my life. It describes one of the most difficult periods in my life where I veered off my path by a series of misaligned choices. It is about a journey through the deepest darkness which led me to transform myself and my business from the inside out.
Those that know me well describe me as an ambitious, high-achieving, positive, authentic leader; a woman who has a great balance between her career and family life; a successful business owner helping hundreds of clients over the last 15 years save millions of dollars of cashflow collectively; a trusted, finance professional setting clients on a new improved trajectory for the betterment of their lives and growth of their businesses. They describe me as a ‘numbers nerd’ who is also funny, bright, and bubbly, a people’s person, and a woman on a big mission. They see me as flying through life, easily achieving my goals, and often describe me as ‘lucky’.
All of that is true. From a young age, I have known I am a change maker and here for big things. I am here to show people different and better ways and to lead by example on living your life on purpose.
Over the years of running my finance company, I attended many professional development courses. They were fantastic and lifted me to new heights. However, the facilitators always seemed to have a compelling, emotional hero’s journey story, where they had experienced the depths of despair and come through the other side completely transformed. A caterpillar in the chrysalis story to emerge as the beautiful butterfly. I never had such a story. I remember wondering about this, still having a huge purpose inside of me and not knowing exactly what it was.
Until, one day, several years ago, the universe decided it was time for me to have my own story.
It started gently then escalated quickly into a vortex of chaos, anxiety, and stress. All up it was a 7-week period in my life where I was tested to my limits and beyond. The lessons were so severe, I remember wondering how I would survive this. This was a pivotal period that left me feeling beaten to a pulp with nothing left emotionally, spiritually, and physically. I questioned everything about myself, my life, my purpose, my values and my identity. I lost my sense of purpose and my shining light.
Several years ago, after running a successful finance company for 15 years, I accepted a subcontract. My thoughts at the time were to build up my business and the revenue running through it. It had contracted due to an interstate move a few years beforehand.
The descent started when they showed me my new office, a brown drab booth; an open plan room shared with six others. My relationship with the office manager began with her openly telling me that she thought my position was unnecessary. She then proceeded to explain the expectation of making dozens of phone calls a day to cold, internet driven leads. This was a place where volumes were celebrated above client relationships. I was stepping into complete misalignment and little did I know how severe the descent would be.
Initially, I had agreed to three school hour days a week in the office. It was a subcontract arrangement, so I was only paid on the finance that was approved. I was sitting in the office as my own business; however, it was clearly their rules.
Within days, my hours increased to four days a week and I was often late home. The excitement of a plentiful supply of leads and unlimited opportunities was driving me. Management was working closely with me and was excited by the possibilities of the new joint venture.
A few days in and I was exhausted. I put it down to learning the new systems and being in a different work environment. I kept telling myself that things would improve. ‘Once we get the clients flowing, everything will lift, and we will create brand new systems and ways of doing things.’
I was coming home, crashing to sleep, then waking up briefly to pick up my eldest son from dance, only to crash again as soon as I got home. I wasn’t present, I was not in my body and the energy exchange was too much for the limited money I was receiving. I felt so stagnant and unhappy. I knew this was unsustainable, but I felt I needed to do it for the money. It was even more damaging as my low frequency was attracting low vibrational energy and chaos into my life and it was literally just a downward spiral which was gaining momentum.
During my second week, I was beginning to operate on autopilot in a numb state. Late that week, as I was driving to the office, my car literally just stopped. The power cut off and it would not start again. Panicking, I rang my husband who could not get the car started. Believing I had to go into the office, I rang my friend and hired a car from her. My heart knew at the time this was another huge warning sign, but I was operating out of fight or flight and I pushed on.
As my descent down this negative path gained momentum, the limiting beliefs were taking over. One belief that was driving me was that I had put in all this time and effort so now I HAD to stay to wait for the money to flow. BUT the money wasn’t flowing. Every ‘deal’ got so incredibly close to happening and then at the last minute it fell over. For me, that meant huge effort and no pay.
It was in the third week, when life was spinning out of control, that my body physically wasn’t coping, and I stopped eating. I would down a coffee for breakfast then have a few bites for lunch and dinner. The smell and thought of food made me sick. I had a constant nauseous feeling. I also wasn’t sleeping. I would toss and turn all night and wake many times with excruciating anxiety; anxiety that had me bent over in pain.
I remember thinking on loop – ‘How did this happen?’
It was the end of that week that my husband lost several contracts through his work and I still wasn’t bringing in any money. Life, however, kept going flat out. We had our two older children, both highly involved in their sports, and a pre-schooler. There was more pressure, more anxiety, compounding like I was in a pressure cooker.
I don’t know how but I kept numbly running on adrenaline for another few weeks. Then a sudden massive slam hit me. My mother-in-law was diagnosed with cancer. We lived interstate from her, and life was so crazy busy we didn’t even know how we could get over to see her.
The downward spiral was gaining momentum fast and, naturally a happy positive person, I could feel my power draining. I felt defeated. Beaten.
Through the pain, I went to the office. I would burst into tears randomly and I couldn’t concentrate. Trying to make 50 phone calls a day to people who were just price shopping was soul destroying. I knew I couldn’t keep this up.
Then the landlord dropped an unexpected bombshell that she was looking to sell the property we were renting. Our home that we owned was interstate and we had rented it out in the transition of our huge move across the country. The thought of moving house when we felt like we had nothing left in the tank was just too much.
A few days later, I had a mid-morning meeting across the road from the office. My colleague took one look at me and knew something was dreadfully wrong. He hadn’t seen me for a few years as he lived interstate.
That day was a pivotal changing point for me. He could tell I was so unhappy, and he asked me to answer one question. He was the catalyst to me taking massive courageous action. He asked me “Leanne, are you all in or all out?” He then said there’s only one answer and its one or the other – no half and half.
Clearly, I was all out. But I was so emotionally, physically, and spiritually drained I couldn’t even get the words out to him. Through my tears and feeling like I was sweating bullets, I softly announced – “I am all out.”
“Great!” he said then motioned to my phone. Now ring them and tell them.
By now, my comfort zone was on a different planet. I didn’t have the emotional strength to make the phone call and he could sense it. He offered to call them for me, and I jumped at it.
Two minutes later, my whole reality shifted. I was done. That chapter was closed.
I couldn’t even face going back to the office to collect my belongings. I just started walking the 20-minute trek to my car. My body was filled with anxiety but also a sense of relief. My mind was racing. I was putting the normal pressure on myself. Now I have to build up my business and fast.
Suddenly my phone rang. Like magic, and a huge synchronicity, it was a new client. She began to tell me she had my business card sitting on her bench for 18 months and decided to call me. It was truly divine intervention.
A few minutes later, another call. It was my friend who I thought was ringing for a general chat, but she confided in me she needed my professional help. Before I reached the car, I got another call. This time, it was my dear friend from the office that was always looking out for me. She was waiting for the right time to contact me and they had just announced I had left.
Three new clients for my business, 20 minutes after I made the decision to turn my life around and walk away from a contract which was not serving me on any level.
I can’t remember the rest of that day. However, I clearly remember the next morning. I woke and decided to try to start my car that had been left sitting in the driveway stagnating like the rest of my life for the last 5 weeks. I turned the key and it immediately started up. In shock, I turned it off. I sat in the driver’s seat in total disbelief. Was this even real? Who would even believe me? This seems like some far-fetched fiction story. I turned the key again: boom, it started. I got the courage to drive up the road. It didn’t skip a beat. Another massive sign I was re-aligning to the right path.
I knew the only way from here was up. For the first time in my life, I felt like I had no plan, no control and felt like I was literally starting to rise from the ashes.
Trying to work out where to start was totally overwhelming. I was full of anxiety, grief, and had lost my confidence. The extremity of the few months’ prior had made me question everything about myself, my life, my career, my business, my purpose, my life choices. I felt like a failure.
Unable to think clearly due to the extreme stress which had compounded, I took advice from a close friend and went to the Dr. He wasn’t a huge advocate of pharmaceuticals but told me I needed some short-term biochemical support as I was so depleted… I got the script for anti-depressants which I never wanted to take.
Always being the warrior, never one to ask for help, this was soul destroying for me. However, I did know I needed some help to get through this cesspit of a time in my life.
Day by day my strength grew.
I have always been a natural manifestor and I couldn’t understand the extreme lessons. They were so severe, they ripped to my core and changed me from the inside out. I knew it was a preparation and rebirth of a more powerful version of me. I was about to step into a more empowered, experienced, warrior version of myself in order to step into my ultimate higher purpose in this lifetime.
A part of me wanted to go back to playing small. Maybe I should just get a job and plod along, not think so big and not worry about creating massive change.
I dived into the energetic work, using all the tools I knew of to shift myself. I wanted big things for my life. It was in me. Surely it wouldn’t be in me if I couldn’t pull it off.
The universe delivered to me. My friend started studying Emotional Freedom Technique and needed people to practise on.
I finally felt like I was on the upward trajectory. But I needed to heal the trauma of this experience. It was all sitting in me, weighing me down and had filled my body with anxiety and limiting beliefs.
The universe had been pushing us to move house for a few years and we were in resistance. Always so busy, with the older kids in competitive sports, every day of our week was occupied. However, the need to move did not just go away. We had literally outgrown the current house, and we desperately needed a more suitable space. Still, I put it in the too hard basket… until, with no warning, I checked my emails and had a new lease to sign. I thought it was strange since it never came with a phone call. It also had a $90 rise in the weekly rent. I called the real estate agents who confirmed it was correct. I called the Tenancy Authority to question the legitimacy of it and they told me it was illegal. So, we were presented with an illegal lease to sign for another 12 months in the house. I knew I didn’t have another 12 months in me in that particular house. Time was up. I asked the real estate agents for a few weeks to consider our options and was told yes that’s fine, but the vacate date would remain the same. Vacate date? What were they talking about? Another phone call – please explain the vacate date. On the back of the lease was actually a Notice to Leave. We had 60 days. It was issued without any grounds. It was also illegal.
I felt my Wild Woman rise again. “That’s it! We are moving out!” I screamed to my husband. “I am not signing this new lease and I am not even reading it. I won’t have us be treated like this.”
I saw the fear rising in my husband’s face. At this time, the vacancy rate for rentals was less than 0.1% and if we wanted another one acre in the hinterland… well we would have to forget it.
I knew to follow my intuition. The higher power was forcing us to move. Who gets issued illegal notices like that? I listened in; my intuition guided me to start packing up the house. I went and bought boxes the next day. I gently told the kids we would probably move soon as we needed a more suitable place to live. I had no idea where we were going to go, and I was absolutely scared to my core. However, the empowered decision had been made with conviction and I asked the universe for help.
I bought boxes, hired a storage unit (worst case scenario we would put all our stuff into storage and rent a furnished apartment by the beach short term). I started cleaning, throwing stuff out and packing all unnecessary items.
My intuition was clear and strong, I didn’t need to worry about the house. Just start preparing to move. I had never let go of the reigns so much. I also asked the agents for 2 weeks to decide if we wanted to stay or not. I knew in my heart, there was no way I was signing that new lease for another 12 months.
Ten days after making my decision, I got a strong intuitive message that it was time to start looking for rentals NOW. I was in the middle of another intensive self-development course and I didn’t want to go to the effort. However, the message was clear. It is time. That evening, I put my youngest to bed, my husband was away and when he fell asleep, I decided to have a little look at houses that were available. I started scrolling and could feel the panic intensifying. This was causing me so much anxiety, I swapped to mindlessly scrolling Facebook instead. That is when another miracle happened, I saw a comment from one of my friends saying she had a house coming up for rent in the same suburb we already lived in. This was within 30 minutes of me getting off the real estate site. I private messaged my friend and told her of our situation and possible house sale etc. She said she had a suitable house within 1 km of our current house, and she would hold it for us as she wanted us to have it. HANG ON a minute. What just happened? I just manifested a new house within 1 km of our existing house, within 30 minutes, with no application process, no open homes, no stress at all. I did that by following my internal guidance system, being in tune and trusting.
We secured the new house and my business continued to grow exponentially. The cash started flowing easily again. I suddenly understood all my lessons and the powerful transformations I am here to help facilitate for business owners. All my turmoil, agony, darkness and what seemed like never ending challenges had transformed me from the inside out. I had been re-wired and catapulted into another reality.
People were asking me what I was doing. I looked different. I was different. I had transitioned from working from depletion to working from a space of overflow. When you live in this heart-centred space, and do the daily work to maintain it, you are magnetic to life. Soul clients flock to you with little effort. Everything flows. My business quadrupled revenue in two months. The money was flowing again. Everything had turned for the better.
I am now propelled effortlessly with such purpose and knowing. I have appointments booked out months in advance and have been effortlessly creating new courses and content for women in business to catapult their cashflow from the inside out. I now realise why I lived it. It has definitely been part of my bigger mission. I live life differently.
My huge challenges forced me to do deep work within myself which resulted in cataclysmic changes in myself, my business and my life. I now spend my time teaching my clients how to transform their world.
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